Envision what it would be like to fall from the ecstatic pinnacle of life, where happiness blossoms and hopes for a better future thrive, only to fall into an unfathomable abyss, shattered like a scattered deck of cards. Grief has stolen my body's strength and drained the life from my soul. The creative and imaginative planner I once was has become someone who rarely thinks for an hour. I used to be an innovator. Now I am a survivor.
Fortunate as I am, Texa stands faithfully by my side, a beacon of comfort in these lonely times. We used to play, laugh, and create memories that would forever be etched in my mind. However, these memories now appear intangible, only as fleeting fragments within my dreams.
There is a void within me that feels impossible to overcome, that no human presence could fill. It is a torment that profoundly affects me emotionally and psychologically. In moments of despair, I turn to the Scriptures and hold on to God's promises, even though my faith is shaken. The words within the Holy text sometimes appear distant and elusive, leaving me struggling to grasp their meaning. Sometimes they fail to resonate with me.
I am human, and this sense of desolation is an entirely natural response when confronted with grief. It is worth noting that even the most heroic figures from ancient times were not immune to this profound emptiness in the face of formidable trials.
Facing tragic realities, especially when they strike suddenly, is incredibly arduous. Only now do I truly grasp the profound emptiness that consumed Naomi. In the biblical account of Ruth, she underwent a transformation after the devastating loss of her husband and son. In an act symbolizing her anguish, she changed her name to Mara, which means "suffering." Her hope for the future is buried with those she loves. She felt old and empty, unable to grasp the purpose behind her existence and incapable of envisioning a life beyond the present moment. The once vibrant promise of God's breath seemed to have left her heart, leaving behind a mere shadow of her former self.
Flipping through the scriptures and empathizing with the experiences of Naomi and Ruth may appear effortless until one is confronted with a similar trial. Before encountering the same challenge, it was easier to cast judgment upon individuals shattered by the loss of a child. The Scriptures remind us to remain steadfast and courageous as Christ has triumphed over the world. Indeed, He has achieved victory, which serves as our assurance and battle cry. However, sometimes this perspective becomes obscured by circumstances that exceed human understanding.
I eagerly anticipate the moment when the Lord will breathe new life into me and free me from this state of desolation. He is the Risen God who has triumphed over death and will alleviate my sorrows and pain. He is the breath of life. I will firmly grasp His teachings and have unwavering faith in His compassion, even when His ways elude me.
Someday in the future, life will dance again!